


No One Who Quotes Westley Is a Bad Person

by sperrywink



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Powers, M/M, Wrong number
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 10:19:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13233648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sperrywink/pseuds/sperrywink
Summary: Punk, you’re never going to believe the date I was just on. Rumlow is a sick fuck.





	No One Who Quotes Westley Is a Bad Person

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MassiveSpaceWren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MassiveSpaceWren/gifts).



Normally Tony would just block an unknown number texting him, but he was bored at a charity dinner, and the text intrigued him. 

_Punk, you’re never going to believe the date I was just on. Rumlow is a sick fuck._

Tony remembered Coulson mentioning a Rumlow in his security firm, and wondering if it was the same person, he typed a text.

**Do tell.**

Those three little dots appeared to show the typing the texter was doing. Tony was kind of impatient, so he started tapping on the table until Pepper gave him a dirty look and stilled his fingers with her hand. He smiled absently at her, but she had already turned back to one of the other table mates whose name Tony had already forgotten.

Finally, text started appearing.

_First, he doesn’t ask anything about me, just comments how my hair is great for pulling and how he could take me down in three moves._

_Then he starts talking about his dungeon. He actually calls it that himself. He wants to tie me up and torture me. Again, his words. He tries to make it sound playful, but his eyes say a different thing._

_And to top it off, he starts talking politics and turns out he is an out and proud fascist._

_Big surprise the twisted sadist is a fascist, right?????_

_I am never letting Clint hook me up again. I don’t care what he says._

Tony chortled, causing Pepper to give him another look, but he just waved her off. He was pretty sure Coulson’s boyfriend was named Clint, but to be sure, he typed back.

**Why would you let Clint hook you up with some stuffed shirt working with Phil?**

_It was a moment of weakness. Never to happen again. Internet dating has to be safer._

Now, Tony laughed out loud at the confirmation. Looking up, he caught Pepper’s unamused face, and he said, “Rhodey is a funny, funny man.”

Pepper hissed, “Maybe you should make nice with the paying guests and not your phone. It all goes to your charity, after all.”

Tony sighed, but he had promised Pepper to be good, so he put his phone away, and started talking to some random starlet.  
  
  
  


* * *

* * *

  
  
  
  
The next day his phone buzzed when he was waking up. Checking the message from bed, he laughed again.

_Hey buddy, why didn’t you tell me I had a wrong number?_

Tony texted back.

**I wanted to hear the story.**

_Wait a minute. You mentioned Phil. Who *are* you?????_

**Someone who knows Phil, obviously.**

_Come on, you gotta tell me._

**Get used to disappointment.**

_Did you just quote Princess Bride at me? Rumlow didn’t even get it when I said, “Inconceivable!”_

**So, he’s a loser and a sadist. Good to know.**

_Wait, do you work with Rumlow too?_

**Just by reputation.**

_Cause I wouldn’t mind getting the fucker fired._

**Vindictive, are we?**

_Oh, hell yeah. ;-)_

It was the winking, smiley face that did it for Tony. He could get behind anyone who was cheerful about their viciousness. And ever since Pepper had declined his request for a date because of their strong friendship, he had been itching for someone, something different. This person, whether guy or girl seemed to fit the bill.

**So, have you scoped out the internet dating options yet? Cause I have a better idea.**

_Oh, yeah?_

**Yeah. Date me.**

_I don’t even know you. You could be a serial killer if you know Rumlow._

**I don’t know Rumlow. I know Phil. Would Phil know a serial killer????**

_He knows Rumlow._

**Fair point.**

Tony was kind of stumped as to how to get this person interested without revealing he was Tony Stark. So, shrugging at the lost opportunity, he typed what was going to be his last text.

**As you wish.**

He refocused on the hologram of his latest Starkphone design, and was going to ignore the text beep of his phone, but curiosity as always got the best of him, so he checked it.

_Damn. Okay, you convinced me. No one who quotes Westley is a bad person._

The Starkphone designs forgotten, Tony resumed texting with his mystery person. He discovered that they were both men and both bi, so gender wasn’t a primary concern of either of them. The guy had a sharp wit, and knew a lot about cars, and totally kept Tony captivated until Pepper came in asking for the designs. Afterwards, Tony wondered what kind of impression he’d made, but didn’t dwell on it long. Either the guy wouldn’t care that he was Tony Stark, or he’d be a jerk or a gaping idiot, and Tony wouldn’t ever have to see him again. In his heart of hearts, he hoped for better from their date though.  
  
  
  


* * *

* * *

  
  
  
  
The guy, whose name was Bucky, arranged to meet Tony at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. Tony bitched about traveling to Brooklyn of all places, but Bucky was insistent, and Tony could see how it was a good idea. Outside, but populated, and easy to call for help if needed. 

So, the following day, Tony had Happy drive him out to Brooklyn, and drop him off at the Gardens. They had agreed to meet in the Native Flora Gardens, so Tony made his way there, and then looked around trying to spot someone who looked like a ‘Bucky.’

Before he could decide, someone behind him asked, “Tony?”

He twirled around and came face-to-face with an attractive man in his thirties with shoulder-length, brown hair, and piercing blue eyes. The eyes were blinking in confusion, until the guy said, “Sorry, Mr. Stark. Looking for a different Tony.”

Tony asked, “Bucky?”

With obvious shock, the guy asked again, “Tony?”

Tony held out his arms to hide his nervousness. “In the flesh.”

Bucky, for it couldn’t be anyone else, leaned forward and hissed incredulously at Tony. “But you’re Tony _Stark_! What are you doing going out with random wrong numbers?”

“Finding someone who knows cars and mechanical engineering and can quote the Princess Bride.” Tony considered for a moment. “And someone who knows enough not to date fascists.” He shrugged, but was watching Bucky like a hawk to see how he reacted.

Bucky ran one hand through his hair, which is when Tony noticed the other arm was a prosthetic, but then Bucky was straightening up, and said, “Okay. I can roll with this. Like you said, now I _know_ you’re not a fascist, so you’re definitely a step up. Unexpected, but a step up. Let’s wander and talk.”

Tony grinned at him, and held out his arm like a gentleman of old. Bucky snorted, but wrapped his hand into the crook of Tony’s arm playfully, so Tony took it as a good sign. They wandered the gardens, eventually making their way to the Japanese Garden, and never ran out of things to talk about. There was always movies or cars or their friends, including Clint and Phil, but mostly about Rhodey, Pepper, and Bucky’s friend Steve.

By the time the sun started setting, Tony’s feet hurt from all the walking, but he had never had a better time with someone. He wanted this to be more than a one-night-stand, but he wasn’t sure how to do that. He desperately wanted to invite Bucky to his penthouse, but he figured that would be misconstrued.

Of course, Bucky took the decision out of his hands delightfully by kissing him right there in the gazebo. Tony kissed back fiercely, and when they pulled apart, Tony said, “Just so you know, this is more than a one-night-stand to me.”

Bucky replied, “Good to know. I totally think you should invite me home anyway.”

Tony just said, “As you wish,” which made Bucky laugh and kiss him again, so win-win all around.


End file.
